So like most of my anxiety posts they're always written pretty spur of the moment when I feel like sharing my thoughts and experiences.
I've been holding off writing this post for a while as the subjects I'm going to talk about are very personal but I feel a shift in how I feel now and think its time to just get it out in the open.
I'll link my initial anxiety post here for if you want a bit of a back story to my anxiety and how it all started.
So the main subject I'm going to touch on in this post is about medication and what it can do for anxiety and my experience with taking it. I'll also briefly touch on my depression and how I feel it was linked to my anxiety.
So back in May I wrote a post about how I had done a series of hypnotherapy sessions which I will again link here. I mentioned that I think it helped to relax me however day to day I didn't feel it was that effective as I was still getting weekly sometimes daily panic attacks. I then said that I felt my next step was to go to the Doctor's and seek some medical help. Usually I'm someone who will hold off taking paracetamol or drugs when possible but for me this was a no brainer step and I felt that this was the right time to try some medication after trying so many different things already.
After having to wait a couple weeks for an appointment ( how ludicrous) I finally sat down with a doctor and told her about my panic attacks and what I'd already tried to help deal with it. She agreed with me that I hadn't rushed straight into taking pills and that I'd really chosen it as a last resort measure. From there she gave me a prescription for a pill to take once a day and advised to see me again in a months time. She did mention that this pill not only helped for anxiety but they also prescribe it for depression. Now I wont mention what pill I am taking as you really have to have the right one for you, plus its quite personal.
I'm now going to backtrack a little bit. Before, during and after my hypnotherapy sessions I was battling with some depression (that I feel was partly linked to my anxiety). For a while I kept it to myself and thought it would just pass and sometimes it did ... but it would always come back again. At the time I just thought i'd ride it out not tell anyone and hope it would just go away one day. I just didn't want to go to work and even found myself crying whilst driving or in the staff room before a shift, I love my job so I knew something wasn't right. I'd just be really down in the morning about going and would hide how bad I felt through joking about it. Previous to this year I have had spells of depression (especially during my brief time at university). One event that sticks out most to me is when my Dad and I went and saw Jersey Boys perform in the West End in London. I was really looking forward to seeing it and spending some time with my dad but during the show I just felt this wave come over me that prevented me from really enjoying the show and ultimately ruined the experience for me. At the time I just dealt with it by myself didn't tell anybody and I thought I could do the same again this time.
However one night I was having a particularly bad attack when I just broke down to my mum and confessed everything I was feeling. We agreed it was time to see the doctor.
So I'm about 2 months into taking these pills and I can honestly say that I feel so much better. To start with the panic attacks did get worse and I got one common side effect but that was all to be expected and completely normal. My Mum and other people around me have also said they can see a difference in me and the way Im acting, that I just seem happier. I feel like I can talk about this now because I'm in a different state of mind. I feel a lot more positive about life itself and don't see everything as being such doom and gloom. I'm much more willing to see friends and go out whereas before the pills I literally didn't want to go out or see anyone. I've had a huge amount of support from family and friends both new and old and I'm really grateful that I am able to talk to them about what I am going through.
Since taking my pills *touch wood* I havn't had a panic attack since and things that would usually trigger anxiety havn't been. I really feel positive now about my future and for it to be less about my anxiety and more about me!
I definitely wouldn't suggest going straight to pills if your suffering with anxiety or panic attacks but I do feel for me that its been the most effective and has been for other people I've talked to who also deal with it.
Theres such a stigma about mental health especially when taking pills is involved but really who are we to judge something someone can't help?! For me I don't care that I take them because at the end of the day they make me happier and control my anxiety.
As always if you have any questions or need someone to talk to about anxiety, depression or anything else I'd be more than happy to listen and talk about it.
Until next time, Sophie x
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